This has been an interesting few months. I've been thinking a lot about turning 30. Looking forward to it actually. I'm not scared of the number, or of the time that's passed or that's to come. But I've been thinking a lot about what's important to me. I want to travel light, and to only carry forward the things that add to the story I want to be telling with my life. Overanalyzing? Maybe. But this is one case when I'd rather over analyze than to let myself get swept along by the currents of adult life.
Anyway, I started focusing on one habit at a time. Eating. Exercise. Cleaning out the attic. Fixing the house. Returning to regular blogging. And when I'm focusing on that one thing, I do a good job. But keeping the ball rolling can be a challenge. Especially when 1) I tend to have very high expectations of myself and 2) life happens.
You know what? It's awfully hard to get back on a wagon once you've fallen off a time or two. I love the quote that says, “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” I love it. And I believe it. But I'm also realizing that it's hard to actually give myself the space it takes to walk it out.
Take something as simple as eating healthy. Earlier this year, I adopted a very strict diet for a set period of time. It was a challenge, but I did it. And it felt great! ...then the "challenge" was over and my old habits started creeping back in again. (I love you ice cream. But I should love you in smaller doses.) And now, even though I've tried to be strict again, I just keep falling off that wagon.
Sticking to things is difficult. I guess that's what makes it so impressive when people do it.
I think this is what I have to remember. This is my advice to myself: Keep trying again tomorrow. These are long-term habits you're building. On one hand, no one is judging you. It doesn't matter. But on the other hand, people are watching you. It takes a sort of courage to say no to that ice cream. To find time for that run. To tackle that closet. To write that post. It also takes courage to face those every day moments with joy. So keep the ball rolling. It's ok. This is your life. Fall down three times and get up four. Try again tomorrow.
*whew* Thanks for letting me get that out there.