I will never be the same again. I can never return. I've closed the door. I will walk the path. I'll run the race. And I will never be the same again.
Suddenly, I found myself picturing a scene from the movie Divergent. In this world of this story, society is grouped into five factions. Each one focuses on the cultivation of a particular virtue, and the idea is that they work together to all make their city better as a whole.
Things are never simple. In this society, when children reach the age of 16, they have to decide which Faction they want to belong to -- whether it's the one they've been raised in, or one that's completely different. And of course, it's a decision that cannot be changed. They're forever committed. Their Faction becomes their family. In fact, there's a saying in this society: "Faction before blood."
Tris, the heroine of this tale, decides to change her Faction from Abnegation (selflessness) to Dauntless (bravery). In doing so, she faces a pretty intense initiation period; one in which not all the initiates will succeed. The stakes are high too. If they fail, initiates can not go back to their original Faction. By the rules of this society, they'd be condemned to being one of the "Factionless." And kind of like in "The Biggest Loser," if you fall beneath the red line, you're out.
All of that is backstory to set up the scene. Back in the dormitory after a rough day of training, Tris is sharing her concern about her ranking (second from the bottom) with her best friend Christina.
Tris - I'm never gonna make it.
Christina - Yes you will.
Tris - I'm the weakest one here
Christina - Then you'll be the most improved.
Tris - You're Candor, you're not supposed to lie.
Christina- I was Candor, and I'm not lying.
Al - If they cut me I think my parents would take me back.
Peter - No it doesn't work like that. Even if they wanted to, their faction wouldn't allow it.
Tris - Even if my parents would take me back, I wouldn't belong there anymore.
I can never return. I've closed the door.
There are days when I struggle, (And days when I feel like I'm doing pretty awesome.) But whether it's day when all the cylinders are firing, or a day when all I can do to keep from crying tears of frustration, this one thing I know... even if I could go back, I wouldn't. I've been forever captured and changed by a love I will spend the rest of my life trying to imitate and understand.
As Four might say: "It's brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest." It's also divergent. And my choice to follow it has irrevocably transformed my life.
I will walk the path. I'll run the race. And I will never be the same again.