Beginning the Journey

So I have a reputation for being a nice, bubbly, cheerful person. But I have a whole other side that is very pensive, brooding, and emotive. Historically, I vent my "other" side through music...and through serving. But life has been changing, and I don't have the outlets I once did.

After imposing on the gracious patience of several friends, I decided that the time had come for two things: 1) I am going to try to be a contributing writer to a couple post-modern magazines, and 2) I am going to spare my friend's ears and mailboxes and vent my thoughts in a blog.

And as usual, I think God has a sense of humor. I have been reaching a boiling point lately. So much so that I wrote the following during a BSO concert:

Chaotic emotions and thoughts from all over
They burst forth at random moments
And splatter on deaf ears

I am feeding a giant lake
Already dark and deep
Does God's spirit hover over these waters?

Reaching out only to grasp air
Digging deep only to find more mystery
I am frustrated with this cocophany

I fear the dam I am already building
Attempting to keep the chaos in check
Sparing my unsuspecting victims

I feel like a cracked pot
Or maybe a fractured dam
The secret is to fracture with purpose

Give a dam a vent and it has power
Enough to sustain a community
Not just to hold back, but to create

One doesn't have to fully grasp a mystery
For it to be used for good.

The very next day I "randomly" visited Faith Community Church. I walked in and felt at home during worship for the first time in a while. They were playing the song "From the Inside Out"...which I deeply connect with. Then the guest pastor got up and talked about the role of an Artist as a Missionary in our culture. My ears immediately perked up. Some highlights from his talk: Jesus could have totally thrown down theology like no other (being God and all), but instead he chose to speak through stories. And often his stories didn't end in nice little bows. He left people with a sense of "huh?" that caused them ask questions. He said something else that stuck out too: Did you know that the #1 export in our country is our culture? There's an idea to mull over for a little while. Anyway, I'm rambling.

He was from a group called "Creative Paradox." And I had a nice chat with both him, and a member of the worship team after the service. I profoundly connected with the things they had to say, the values that they uphold, and the dreams they envision coming true. Between trying to polish and articulate some of my crazy thoughts, I think networking with these people may be the outlet I've been looking for. So hooray for God's sense of humor...and his timing as well.